So today ended up being one of those days that I just wish I could have a do over. It was a day that as a mom, really a working mom, I was torn to pieces and in hind sight felt I made the wrong choice. That only made me feel worse and the mom guilt was through the roof.
So the day started off ok enough, hubby and I had to meet at his job to switch off L as we often have to do after nights when I work and he has to work early. I noticed L was super sleepy in the car which he is usually awake and talkative. When we got home I noticed he was warm and I took his temp which was 101.9 orally, he had no other symptoms so I gave him tylenol and fed him and put him down for a nap. He woke up and was still warm but eating drinking and acting normal so I gave him some more tylenol and the babysitter came over so I could sleep before work. When it was time for her to leave she told me he was acting like he didn't feel good and we noticed he felt really warm. I took his temp and it was 103.9 orally. I freaked out called the nurse and then called in to work. This is where things get wonky.
I was holding L and he was talking and acting semi normal just a little clingy, I gave him more tylenol and did some googling. Even though I'm a nurse I work in a cardiac icu, I dont know much about common place illnesses. Also, when its your own child all nurse knowledge and logic go out the window. I started doubting my over reaction and based on google I should give him meds to break the fever and if it lasts more than 24 hours take him in. So I called work and said I'd go in. I always hate calling in especially late in the day. I know the unit is usually staffed with just the right number of nurses and when someone calls in it puts the unit in a bind.
Well no sooner did I call and say I'd go in the nurse calls me and says his fever is too high I need to bring him in right away. I thankfully only live 5 minutes from their office. I started to worry now and all the worse things pop into my nurse brain. We go in and basically everything checks out ok still has 103 fever and a slightly red throat. They say its a virus and to give him motrin. This is when the guilt sets in. I want so bad to call back to work and not go in. I want so bad to just be with my baby who looks like he feels horrible. But yet, its so late I can't possibly do that to my unit.
Sometimes I wish I could be more selfish, should I have put my baby first in this situation? Daddy was a great nurse and when I called his fever had broke and was at 98.2. I know he was in good hands but I feel like I always am thinking about everyone else and then sometimes regret my decision. My parents instilled a good work ethic in me and I guess thats why I chose to work but that doesn't take away the fact that I felt horrible about leaving my sweet boy.
Its these situations that make being a working mom so tough. I told L I loved him and even though I had to leave him that didn't mean I didn't care, not that he understood but it made me feel better at least.
Hubby said he went to sleep ok and last he checked the fever is still under control, I just can't wait to get home to my sweet baby and nurse him back to health during my glorious 6 days off!
To make matters worse on my way to work my medium drink flew out of the cup holder and spilled all over the floor, and I smashed my foot in the car door trying to escape a huge wasp!
Tomorrow is a new day and the start to my mini vacay! Only 6 more hours to go :/
