Big Brother

The beginning was trying on us all and I shed more tears out of mom guilt than I anticipated I would.  When I was in the hospital with L2 I found myself more concerned with L1 and how was he at home and when I was there in the hospital bed exhausted and frustrated with my crying newborn, all I could think about was going home and curling up with my sweet firstborn.

Those early days I just felt so guilty when he would act out or cry because he wanted me to hold him or do something for him and I couldn't.  It hurt my heart when he would cry because he just wanted me to sit in the room with him…but not with the baby.  I knew this was just an adjustment phase but the feeling that I ruined his little life was imprinted on my mind.  There was one day when he wouldn't nap and that evening he fell asleep in my arms while I rocked him early in the evening because he just wanted me to hold him.  He never falls asleep when I hold him anymore and he rarely wants me to just sit and hold him.  I sat there staring at his mile long lashes and amazingly full lips and just cried.   never wanted that moment to end and I just wanted him to know he will always be my most special boy because he was my firstborn, the boy who made me a mommy.  The boy we tried and prayed for for longer than I imagined we would have to.

Now, I think his little world would be ruined if we took his brother away.  He is absolutely in love with his "baby brudder." I could watch them together all day.  L will be playing on the other side of the room and randomly stop and come over just to give L2 a kiss.  I find myself saying " don't touch his face, don't squish him, don't lay on him" more than I can count in a day.  He wants to be with his brother all day.  He will get frustrated if baby brudder is crying because he wants me to lay him down so he can play with him.  He loves to share his trucks with him.  The cutest thing is he will grab his face and say "cheeks, cheeks" while squishing his cheeks.  I have no idea where he learned that but it kills me every time!

He is such a sweet and caring big brother, he loves to wipe the spit up and try to feed him bottles and give him a paci.  Any time he cries he will run over and pat his head and say "whats wrong baby, why you cryin?"

I love watching them together because I know they are going to be best buddies more so than they already are when they are older and I see the relationship my hubby has with his brothers and I love that L will have that as well.

I shouldn't have been worried as I knew L would adjust like a champ as he has done with all his major milestones up to this point, it was just so hard in the moment.