Back to Work

This past week I went back to work.  It was hard for me but I think harder for L.

I work night shift so I work from 630pm to 7am three nights a week, so I just kept telling myself he would be going to bed soon and will just be waking up when I get home.

Well, daddy didn't "practice" putting him to bed much during the time I was off so this was a bit of an I Told You So situation.

Due to this fact, L was totally out of his comfort zone since I am the one that always bathes him, feeds him, and puts him to bed.  He cried for hours and it broke my heart every time I called to check on him and I could hear him crying in the background. It ripped my heart out because I was completely helpless.  Once they got him to sleep around 11pm he proceeded to wake up about every 1-2 hours all night long. They didn't put the right diaper on him at night or give him the right bottle before bed(it has more milk in it to "tank him up") and they didn't swaddle him correctly.  I was so frustrated because I tried so many times when I was off to get daddy to practice and to learn these things and he said he just wanted to deal with it when the time came and therefore L was the one who had to deal with those consequences, I should have been more firm and made him do it anyway.

After such a traumatic night, when I got home that next morning L wouldn't even look at me, it broke my heart.  Grandpa (who is watching him until we find a sitter) wanted to take him for a morning walk and I just wanted to be selfish and say no I just want to hold him.  But I didn't and let him go for a walk.  Around 9 am I was woken to L crying I went and got him and brought him to bed with me.  I fed him and he proceeded to sleep with me the rest of the day until 3pm when I had to get up to get ready for work. It was much needed cuddle time for both of us and made my heart smile.

The next night daddy had to work until 11pm so grandpa was on duty by himself.  I made sure to reiterate all the things he needs to do in order to have a smoother night.  He listened, and L went to bed as he usually does peacefully around 830pm, that night he woke about 3 times but it went much smoother than the night before, the next night went even smoother and I think they realized that when I say to do something a certain way its not because I'm neurotic, its for a reason, thats what he likes, I have spent the past three months learning these things.

I know with time L will adjust and get used to me not being there at night its just so hard to see him miss me, and the night time routine is my favorite part of the day so its so hard to miss out on that but at least its only three nights a week.