Thursday, September 13, 2012

Sometimes you just need a do over!

So today ended up being one of those days that I just wish I could have a do over.  It was a day that as a mom, really a working mom, I was torn to pieces and in  hind sight felt I made the wrong choice.  That only made me feel worse and the mom guilt was through the roof.

So the day started off ok enough, hubby and I had to meet at his job to switch off L as we often have to do after nights when I work and he has to work early. I noticed L was super sleepy in the car which he is usually awake and talkative.  When we got home I noticed he was warm and I took his temp which was 101.9 orally, he had no other symptoms so I gave him tylenol and fed him and put him down for a nap.  He woke up and was still warm but eating drinking and acting normal so I gave him some more tylenol and the babysitter came over so I could sleep before work.  When it was time for her to leave she told me he was acting like he didn't feel good and we noticed he felt really warm.  I took his temp and it was 103.9 orally.  I freaked out called the nurse and then called in to work. This is where things get wonky.

I was holding L and he was talking and acting semi normal just a little clingy, I gave him more tylenol and did some googling.  Even though I'm a nurse I work in a cardiac icu, I dont know much about common place illnesses. Also, when its your own child all nurse knowledge and logic go out the window. I started doubting my over reaction and based on google I should give him meds to break the fever and if it lasts more than 24 hours take him in.  So I called work and said I'd go in.  I always hate calling in especially late in the day.  I know the unit is usually staffed with just the right number of nurses and when someone calls in it puts the unit in a bind.

Well no sooner did I call and say I'd go in the nurse calls me and says his fever is too high I need to bring him in right away.  I thankfully only live 5 minutes from their office.  I started to worry now and all the worse things pop into my nurse brain.  We go in and basically everything checks out ok still has 103 fever and a slightly red throat.  They say its a virus and to give him motrin.  This is when the guilt sets in.  I want so bad to call back to work and not go in.  I want so bad to just be with my baby who looks like he feels horrible.  But yet, its so late I can't possibly do that to my unit. 

Sometimes I wish I could be more selfish, should I have put my baby first in this situation? Daddy was a great nurse and when I called his fever had broke and was at 98.2.  I know he was in good hands but I feel like I always am thinking about everyone else and then sometimes regret my decision.  My parents instilled a good work ethic in me and I guess thats why I chose to work but that doesn't take away the fact that I felt horrible about leaving my sweet boy. 

Its these situations that make being a working mom so tough. I told L I loved him and even though I had to leave him that didn't mean I didn't care, not that he understood but it made me feel better at least.

Hubby said he went to sleep ok and last he checked the fever is still under control, I just can't wait to get home to my sweet baby and nurse him back to health during my glorious 6 days off!

To make matters worse on my way to work my medium drink flew out of the cup holder and spilled all over the floor, and I smashed my foot in the car door trying to escape a huge wasp!

Tomorrow is a new day and the start to my mini vacay! Only 6 more hours to go :/


Cajun Cowgirl said...

I hope your vacay is filled with sweet cuddles, a car wash, and is completely wasp free!! I'm so sorry about the fever situation but be thankful that your husband is right there to fill in when you went to work. I think sometimes as moms we want to be the ones to comfort and it's a lesson for us that others (especially daddies) are just as capable and just as desiring. At least that's what I've found.

tiff@thecoffeehouse said...

ugh. such a hard situation to be in! I honestly don't know what I would do. I know what Dan would tell me to do ... go to work. Just like you did! Your baby had someone looking after him (and it sounds like he was a great nurse!) so you absolutely should not feel guilty about this. Not one bit! It might be different if you left your kid with a dog or something (although I might just do that when I have a baby ... Sherman would be a great babysitter. Psssh). I think you did the right thing. :)

Kellianne said...

don't be so hard on yourself! you are a great mom and I struggle with mommy guilt too, sometimes eats me alive! i'm glad Landon is feeling better! hope to see you guys soon!

I'm Katie a 27 year old mommy and wife. Welcome to my blog where I will chronicle the happenings of my life as I find the balance between being both SAHM by day and CVICU nurse by night.

I love Jesus and strive to be more like Christ every day. Running, reading, and cooking are some of my favorite past-times. I love photography but I am no pro, but it helps I have such a cute subject to practice on!!




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